I don’t know when it became a flex to be the person who drinks the most caffeine in a day, but I’m also not afraid to participate in the movement. Coffee is just as essential in the business of creatives as anything else, but I realize I haven't treated it with the same respect.
Day in and day out I just thoughtlessly brew. drink. brew. drink. brew. drink. brew. drink. br.. you get the idea. I am a firm believer in the old saying “if it aint broke dont fix it” and I think that I may have taken it too far. Even though my taste in coffee is broken…I still havent done anything to fix it.
So here it is. I’m taking it upon myself to embrace change from the bottom up. It just so happens that I need to start with coffee. But I don’t think that EVERYONE should be forced to take this leap into trying new things. That would be ridiculous. So I’m going to do it for you and share my reviews live and in writing!
Mind you, I know absolutely nothing about coffee. I work in the creative industry, and live half of my life behind a screen and the other half lost in my own thoughts. There’s not much room for the study of beans. So I developed a grueling process of a rating system that made more sense for me. One that revolves around the consumer experience in whole.
To preface, I want to state that as a general rule to keep consistency and fairness in my testing process I will put 2tbs of grounds to every 6oz. of water. I am serious about the way that I drink my coffee and I’d hate my reviews to be more inconsistent than they already will be.
So the rating system, or as I call it “The Roastery” will look something like this:
*coffee can reach a maximum point possibility of 44 points*
Phase 1: Packaging
Packaging is hands down the most important part of any coffee experience. Because you can't taste it at the store (obnoxious) you have to choose it based on two things. Blind gut feel and attraction to packaging. I test the packaging based on a few things:
Size: The physical size of the packaging. The ease of grab and go ability mixed with the amount of volume available. (3 pt.)
Texture: How the packaging feels in hand. (3 pt.)
The freshness seal: Is it tightly packaged? Has the shelf life been compromised? (3 pt.)
Weight: How dense the packaging is. (3 pt.)
The ease of openness: The amount of time and hassle it takes to get into the coffee (3 pt.)
And of course… the design: The most important part of any and all coffee. Does it catch your eye off the shelf? (3 pt.)
Phase 2: Grounds
I don’t know if the grounds really matter, but let's pretend they do. AND IF THEY DO... they should be tested on these 3 attributes:
Smell: Is it nice? (3 pt.)
Texture / Size: Is it course? Or fine? I prefer fine. (3 pt.)
Scoopability: How much coffee stays heaped in our version of the “tablespoon” (3 pt.)
Phase 3: The Brew (3 pt.)
This ones pretty simple. Does it fill the room with a pleasant scent or not? Then just rank it.
Phase 4: Color (3 pt.)
Color absolutely reflects taste. This I’m sure on. I decided after talking with designers that the perfect coffee flavor also deserves its own pantone color. Should it really be the same for every coffee? Of course not. But I’d hate to lose consistency.
Golden rule of coffee color = Pantone #2322c
Phase 5: Flavor
Flavor is the least of my worries as I drink just about anything to keep me moving, but I came up with a few different categories to put coffee in.
This is not coffee… but it's still coffee. (0 pt.)
The Truck Stop (1 pt.)
The Daily Driver (2 pt.)
Good (3 pt.)
Pretty Impressive (4 pt.)
Shelf Equity (5 pt.)
Phase 6: The Reseal (3 pt.)
When you consume as much coffee as I do this is hardly a concern. But remember. I am doing this for you. So if shelf life is of any importance to you than this is a very important ranking.
Phase 7 (Last and possibly least) : Shelf Space (3 pt.)
Similar to the reseal, The shelf space is important for storage reasons. It’s of course a balance of shelf space, and actual volume of the container, but any good coffee can be stored discreetly and conveniently.
Out of these 7 categories I will score 1 coffee a week. 4 brews a month. 52 brews a year and I will be sharing my reviews. I will keep a running list of the top coffee in each category and an overall winner. I would also like to state that I am open to recommendations for which coffees you’d like reviewed, and I am even more open to you sending them to me!
Expect new reviews every Friday morning to kick off the weekend! This week I will also be posting my first review on Sunday to get the ball rolling.
Welcome to The Roastery.